Introversion and a Future Empty Nest

Most of the time I have nothing to say. 

Most of the time I have nothing to contribute.

Most of the time I long for the days that used to be. 

I remember the day it all changed. I used to have things to say, to contribute. This place - TTWD Blogland - was such a big part of my life. I knew everyone. Everyone knew me. I had such a strong feeling of belonging. 

It was always so much fun reading and commenting. There was teasing and laughing. There was silliness. And seriousness. There were trips all over the country to meet up with friends.

I'm not whining. I'm not complaining. Please don't think that. I'm just remembering. 

PK's first comment ever to me was something about me being in her head. LOL There was a time when we were two peas in a pod. We became known as "the twins." Yes. We had that much in common. In real life if we stood side by side and told you we are biological sisters you'd have no trouble believing us. 

And there were so many out here.... I'd love to name names but I know I'd forget someone who was important to me. It's been that long.

Here's the thing.... here's why it changed. 

There was a rift that tore us all in two and one particular blogger was downright evil and said things to prove that. I had to step away. The effect was just too great. Many more good people stepped away also. And over the years when I've stuck my toe back in the water I've pulled it right back out. 

Before it was so easy to fit in because I wanted to fit in. I suppose the reality of it all is that I just don't want to fit in. I don't know why that is really. It could be because I discovered a few years back that I'm an introvert. I always just thought I was anti-social. I had stumbled upon an article about introverted teachers and had one of the biggest ah-ha moments ever. 

Who knew? No one had ever told me. I'd never considered it. But then there it was. I had ten of ten characteristics. I'd rather be alone. I hate parties and crowds. I'd rather not talk about feelings. On and on. Blah blah blah. One day I was on the deck. The sun was beating down. Two grandchildren were splashing in the pool. Two daughters were stretched out soaking up the sun. I was in the hot tub. One by one, everyone joined me. I got out. The granddaughters back then treated the hot tub as a swimming pool. 

Eventually we were all back out on the deck soaking up the sun while the grandkids splashed in the pool. I casually said, "you know, I think I might be an introvert.." My daughters busted out laughing. One said, "ya think?" and the other said, "Is this really new information?" 

Hmmmph. 

I gave them the Friends flip off. That's what our family does to smart asses. If you don't know what the friends flip off is, google it. There's you tube videos of it. Ross is infamous for it. 

Anyhow, introversion. It really took a lot to lay it all out here ten years ago. Wait. Make that eleven years ago. I remember because PK was 49 when we met and now she's.... yeah well. I won't go there. To this day she tells me that the first time we met she didn't think I would actually step out of the hotel room. It took a lot to do so. Here's something though that I have learned. Introverts might love hosting a party while they hate going to the party and will do anything to get out of going, but once they actually go they typically have a really good time. And bingo was his name-o. That first time we met was a GREAT time, huh PK? Once I got to the party, it turned out wonderfully.

Okay so I am rambling. 

But wait... there's more.....

Here's something else I'm thinking about. Adam I began dabbling in spanking when I finally had the guts to approach him about it. It came and went though because ... well... we were rarely alone in our house. Then the time came that offspring 1 was living out of state while offspring 3 was away at school - also out of state. And offspring two had just married and moved out of our house. 

We were alone.

Damn.

We were on fire. There were so many fun spanking times back then. Hot. Hot. HOT!!! 

And then............

After living in Kentucky, Tennessee, Kentucky again, and Georgia offspring 3 had moved back to the area - about an hour away - for a job. 

And then.......

She lost her job through no fault of her own.

And then.......

She moved back in with us. That was 4 years ago. For a while she worked as a substitute teacher. A year ago, she landed a good full time job and could have afforded her own place but a year before that she had met a wonderful man and they were beginning to get serious about their future together. It made more sense for her to stay here and save some money.

And now.....

She's been engaged since August. The wedding is going to happen in May. And the nest will be officially empty again. Finally. She spends a lot of time at his place. He owns his own home. He would happily have her living there now but her old school christian morals prevent her from doing so. But still many times she does just stay there. 

So hmmmmm..... Maybe the sparks will ignite again? Gosh, that would be great. Me thinks I've missed the empty nest more than I've realized and believe me, Adam and I have both realized it!!! Our house is small with just two bedrooms and we want that room back!! Before when the nest was empty we used it for a guest room and for extra closet space and for extra dresser space. The first weekend she is gone for good I am fumigating that room and reclaiming it for what it once was. It's actually larger than our room and we've often talked about swapping rooms however it gets the morning sun so I think we will stay put and let the guests have the morning sun. 

Soon.... and if the sparks ignite.... 

I will have something to say.

I will have something to contribute. 

I will stop longing for the old and learn to embrace the new.