PK Has Questions

I got a text today from an old friend that said: "You might enjoy my post today if you want to go by and take a look."

Ok. I'll bite..... so I googled her blog. Don't laugh. It's been a while since I had been there so I figured Google would be my quickest route. Elis. New Beginnings. PK. Yup. Those few words took me right to where I needed to go.

 

My old buddy - my Twin -  PK had posted this: "I’ve been blogging for a long time and I know that one of the most unsettling things is having people, that you feel you’ve come to know, just disappear on you. This has happened to me hundreds of times. And it still happens occasionally. I don’t panic like I did when I first started blogging, but I still can’t help wondering – Did they just lose interest? Did life get too busy? Did something happen to make them fear they were going to be outed? Did something bad happen? Did they die? There should be a rule that you have to at least say goodbye if you’re leaving."

 

So yeah. It's been a while. 

 

We have two birthdays in the family today and because of stupid COVID, a divorce, and some bitter cold temperatures we aren't doing much celebrating today. 

 

Let me catch myself up so this post makes sense.

 

Offspring #1 lives 5 hours from home (which is better than the 16 hours she once lived from us). She's been married since 2010 and she and her husband have two sons ages 18 and 8. If you did the math it doesn't quite add up however, both boys were adopted. The first came to them in 2013 at age 10 The second came along two years later at age 2. 

 

Offspring #2 is the mother of my first two grand kids. They are 13 (today) and 12 (next month). She and the asshat she was married to have been divorced since 2015. She is doing well and recently was able to quit her job in order to go to work full time with Adam - my husband, her father. She met a guy nearly 4 years ago and has been living with him for the past two years. They are engaged but COVID has slowed down the wedding plans. Oh, the reason the divorce has interrupted any birthday celebrations is because those two kiddos are with the asshat on the weekends. (And don't judge me for calling him an asshat... he turned out to be a narcissistic jerk who abused my daughter. ASSHAT.)

 

Offspring #3 finally married 2017. She and her husband have two adorable boys. The first is 4 (today) and the other just turned 2 months. She does some substitute teaching here and there but mostly is a stay at home mom. When the boys get older she plans to work full time but for now she's thankful to be home with the boys.

 

PK's questions about what happened got me to thinking. Yes. I lost interest. No. Life didn't get too busy. In fact life is pretty chill living in an empty nest. Did something happen to make me fear being outed? Not really. That was always a concern actually. Did something bad happen? Here in the blogging world?. Kind of. Yes. Did they die? No. I did not die. Not yet. Hopefully not for a long while. 

 

So what happened exactly?

 

Three or so years ago a good friend/co-worker was divorced and raising her kids. At the time she was in a relationship with a man she knew she could never marry. He kept pushing. She refused the ring. He eased off some and she accepted what he called "a promise ring." She finally called it quits at some point and went on to date someone else. The new guy lit up her world. She became happier and it was easy to see that this guy was perfect for her. They're married now and loving life together. Their kids are grown and you can just tell that their life is pretty sweet these days.

One day I had looked at her and said, "You know what I see? That other guy sucked the life right out of you. You were always tired and sad. It was like you were going through the motions of life without much energy for it. But this new guy? My God, you're glowing and happy and energetic. Where the other guy sucked life from you, this guy is breathing it into you."

And that's kind of how I see my former blogging life. In the beginning it was so much fun. It felt like a big continuous slumber party with my best friends in the world. It was fun. And serious. And silly. It was light. And heavy. It was a big old ongoing non-stop pillow fight. I felt like I had somewhere to belong. Every one belonged. It was just so much fun. It was more fun than my introverted self ever felt was possible. Yes. It was fun.

Until it wasn't.

I felt the life that had been breathed into me here slowly began to be sucked from me. There was drama. There were fights. There was division. It became hard to know who to trust. It was exhausting. I don't know exactly when it all began to fall apart. It was one brick at a time and before I knew it the world I'd loved was in a heap of rubble all around me. And I just couldn't. I couldn't do it anymore.

It's only now that I can look back and see that something that was breathing life into me - something I couldn't get enough of - something that became my escape from "real" life had become something that was now sucking the life out of me. 

It became exhausting. Everything was scrutinized and there were people who - no matter what I said - would take it and twist it and make it an issue. Eventually I just couldn't do it anymore.

To this day - however - from time to time I remember. I remember the good times. The fun times. The serious times. The crazy times. The silly times. And I wonder. I wonder if that could ever be again. I even sneak around reading once or twice a year and think about commenting or even posting something but then it all hits me. 

Um.... no. Not the bad memories. Not the life sucking moments. That's not what hits me at all. That's all in the past and I can move around and past all that nonsense. Here's what hits me:

I don't remember how to log in as Eva. I don't know my password or anything. So I usually just sigh and close my laptop. And remember. I remember the fun times and what it all once meant to me.

So yesterday after reading PK's post I just had to try.  This post was swirling around in my head and my first thought was to write it and ask PK to post it on her site for me. I mean I'm pretty sure she would have happily done that as a continuation of her own post. But, who knew? On my very first try google said it was sending a code to the phone number xxx-xxx-1234. And that's still my phone. When the code popped up I copied and pasted G-123456 and it failed. I felt my bubble burst but only for a brief second when I saw the line where they wanted me to put the code already had the G- there for me. I deleted my G- and presto clicko here I am. 

And there you are.... Hi..... remember me? Probably not but that's okay since I won't be staying anyhow. But my God... I sure have good memories of this place. Yup. Very good memories.

 

  

Bragging

Damn it. Has it been a month since my last post? Summer is flying by!! Life's been blissfully busy with family events and parties. Adam hosted a party for his coworkers a couple weeks ago. We had a full bar. I mean really, I've been in bars with less alcohol than we have stocked. LOL The food was awesome - if I do say so myself. I had three themes:

BBQ - Ribs and Pierogi Casserole
Italian - Lasagna and Salad
Mexican - Chicken nachos and Guacamole

So it might not sound that impressive BUT my ribs are pretty popular if I do say so myself. and every time I make the pierogi casserole I get tons of requests for the recipe which is understandable because it's my own creation. 

As for the Mexican theme...  My chicken nachos are about as popular as my ribs. They are pretty tasty. Oh, and my guac is fresh so it's always a hit. Honestly there's nothing better than fresh, homemade Guac!!

And the lasagna? I make the noodles and the sauce from scratch. And the salad? It's awesome.... It's called an Oscar Salad. It has spring mix greens, cucumbers, tomatoes, paper thin sliced purple onion, feta cheese, blackberries, and glazed walnuts. Oh, and raspberry vinaigrette is a must for the dressing. 

We had veggies and dip. Fruit. Cheese and crackers.

Two weeks later we repeated it for my coworkers. Fun times. 

Okay. I'm bragging. Sorry. Both parties were just so much fun and anyone who knows me knows that I love to spend time in the kitchen. Might explain why I used to weigh over 300 pounds. LOL

And all our friends were pretty impressed with our Perfect Drink app controlled cocktail mixer. I know of at least two people who have since bought their own and I myself am ready to upgrade to the wireless blue tooth newer model. If you don't know what it is, go to Amazon and search for "Perfect Drink." It's a scale. You connect a device to it and pick a recipe. It tells you what to pour, when to stop, stir, shake, blend, whatever. And if you screw up and over pour? It just adjusts the recipe to keep it perfect. The strawberry Daiquiris we were pumping out were pretty awesome!! 

While you're at Amazon checking that out, be sure to check out Ami's Courage if you haven't already. I was kind of bummed recently when someone gave it a bad review by saying they just couldn't get into it. If that was you do me one favor, force yourself to keep reading and finish it. I take it that person just gave up on it. They commented that there was no dialogue but in all fairness, there isn't at the beginning. The first chapter is all about Ami. She's alone and then chapter two is about her love who is also alone. It gets better as you go, I promise. 

If anyone out there has read the book and enjoyed it, feel free to leave a review or comment on that bad review it got. And okay, if you didn't like it you can review it too. I have made up my mind to not take that personally. The thing is, if it's not your genre, then of course it will be a crappy read, but if it is your genre then all comments - both positive and negative - are welcome. 

So go. Buy it. Read it. Review it. 

And thanks for stopping by here today!!

Got Questions?

I think PK scolded me. I was happy to see an email from her just a short while ago. Those are few and far between these days so to find one is rather delightful. 

Without her permission I'm going to share it here with you. Tell me what you think? Was I scolded? Or what?

 

Morning friend. Just read your post and I'll comment but you need to come out and talk to the people a little more. I know you say you don't care and you don't worry about promoting too much. But really this is a great, slight money making hobby for when you do retire. But you aren't commenting anywhere, you don't answer your comments so no one knows you anymore.

Blogland is much smaller now. I think fewer people are willing or interested in writing blogs - it's all instgram and such, no words involved. But I want to push you a little because you are a really good writer. When you have time to do it you could make real money. 

I can hear you now, "I just don't care that much, blah, blah, blah..." but what's the point of a book no one reads. To get readers you need an audience, people who know you and want to read what you have to say. And if you went really kinky - girl, you could make folding money! I feel like a teacher taking to a student with so much talent - telling them to work for it, care about what they're doing and your saying "Whatever..."

Frustrating!

 

End of scolding? What do you think? 

 

Okay, I'm smiling. I love PK. Always have. Always will. I wrote back and told her she's right. She's absolutely right. Hell, she's always right. So let's see.... what can I do about it? 

 

Here's a thought. In comments ask me anything you want. I will answer as honestly as I can..... BUT.... I'm also going to ask you a question in return so you have to come back and answer. Deal?

 

Let's get to know each other.... 

 

Here's the latest news in my life. Last month offspring #3 got married. She was proud of the fact that she'd "saved herself" for marriage. Once she started dating this fella I wondered how the heck she was gonna hold out until the wedding, but honestly didn't care. 

 

Four days before the wedding the two of them walked in and sat down. I said, "so how's things?" Or some other similar greeting to which she blurted out, "I'm pregnant." 

 

Of course I thought she was joking so I laughed but ummmm... nope... she wasn't joking. I turned to the man who was about to become my son-in-law and said, "You WILL marry her and you will do so THIS week." He laughed. We're thrilled. They wanted to start a family right away because they both have waited forever to marry. He's 38. She's 31. It's a first marriage for both. 

 

So allow me to introduce to you my newest grandchild.....

 

 

Adorable, huh? 

 

So, what's your question?  Let's talk....

Riddle Me This

My book is suddenly selling. It want 38 days with not one sale and now there have been 5 sales in six days. I notice it's on Kindle Unlimited and I don't know how long it's been on that. Could that be why? Or did one of you lovely folks do something to promote me a bit? If ANYONE knows ANYTHING, could you let me know? Thanks! And I'll be back soon and often since today is my first day off for a couple months to come.

I'm Laughing

Not only am I laughing, I'm cracking up.

Why you ask?

Well I shall explain if you like.

It's time for me to renew my work credentials. 

Ok

No problem.

My employer recommended an awesome site where I can pick up the credits I need for a dirt cheap price. 

Awesome.

I have to take two 3-credit hour courses. 

I've completed one and recently signed up for the second. 

Last week the text book arrived and I'm now all set to complete the requirements which will enable me to continue working for five more years. 

LOL

The title of the book makes me giggle......

Are you ready? 

Really? Are you ready? Let me know if it makes you laugh also....

Keep in mind I'm a teacher. 

The first course I took had to do with dealing with difficult behaviors in students. It was a great course and I learned a lot. 

As I'm preparing to embark on this second course... well... You be the judge... the title of the text is ....

Seriously.... tell me if I'm reading too much into this....

Here we go..... the title is....

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 Beyond Discipline

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So I mean isn't that we've all been about? 

This book is geared toward discipline in a classroom however. ...... I mean..... well.........

It would make a great title for my next Ami and Jay book, yes? Maybe I'll steal it ... or create some version of it. 

I mean ....

well.....

Is there something wrong with me or did it make you smile also? 

Just curious. 

Introversion and a Future Empty Nest

Most of the time I have nothing to say. 

Most of the time I have nothing to contribute.

Most of the time I long for the days that used to be. 

I remember the day it all changed. I used to have things to say, to contribute. This place - TTWD Blogland - was such a big part of my life. I knew everyone. Everyone knew me. I had such a strong feeling of belonging. 

It was always so much fun reading and commenting. There was teasing and laughing. There was silliness. And seriousness. There were trips all over the country to meet up with friends.

I'm not whining. I'm not complaining. Please don't think that. I'm just remembering. 

PK's first comment ever to me was something about me being in her head. LOL There was a time when we were two peas in a pod. We became known as "the twins." Yes. We had that much in common. In real life if we stood side by side and told you we are biological sisters you'd have no trouble believing us. 

And there were so many out here.... I'd love to name names but I know I'd forget someone who was important to me. It's been that long.

Here's the thing.... here's why it changed. 

There was a rift that tore us all in two and one particular blogger was downright evil and said things to prove that. I had to step away. The effect was just too great. Many more good people stepped away also. And over the years when I've stuck my toe back in the water I've pulled it right back out. 

Before it was so easy to fit in because I wanted to fit in. I suppose the reality of it all is that I just don't want to fit in. I don't know why that is really. It could be because I discovered a few years back that I'm an introvert. I always just thought I was anti-social. I had stumbled upon an article about introverted teachers and had one of the biggest ah-ha moments ever. 

Who knew? No one had ever told me. I'd never considered it. But then there it was. I had ten of ten characteristics. I'd rather be alone. I hate parties and crowds. I'd rather not talk about feelings. On and on. Blah blah blah. One day I was on the deck. The sun was beating down. Two grandchildren were splashing in the pool. Two daughters were stretched out soaking up the sun. I was in the hot tub. One by one, everyone joined me. I got out. The granddaughters back then treated the hot tub as a swimming pool. 

Eventually we were all back out on the deck soaking up the sun while the grandkids splashed in the pool. I casually said, "you know, I think I might be an introvert.." My daughters busted out laughing. One said, "ya think?" and the other said, "Is this really new information?" 

Hmmmph. 

I gave them the Friends flip off. That's what our family does to smart asses. If you don't know what the friends flip off is, google it. There's you tube videos of it. Ross is infamous for it. 

Anyhow, introversion. It really took a lot to lay it all out here ten years ago. Wait. Make that eleven years ago. I remember because PK was 49 when we met and now she's.... yeah well. I won't go there. To this day she tells me that the first time we met she didn't think I would actually step out of the hotel room. It took a lot to do so. Here's something though that I have learned. Introverts might love hosting a party while they hate going to the party and will do anything to get out of going, but once they actually go they typically have a really good time. And bingo was his name-o. That first time we met was a GREAT time, huh PK? Once I got to the party, it turned out wonderfully.

Okay so I am rambling. 

But wait... there's more.....

Here's something else I'm thinking about. Adam I began dabbling in spanking when I finally had the guts to approach him about it. It came and went though because ... well... we were rarely alone in our house. Then the time came that offspring 1 was living out of state while offspring 3 was away at school - also out of state. And offspring two had just married and moved out of our house. 

We were alone.

Damn.

We were on fire. There were so many fun spanking times back then. Hot. Hot. HOT!!! 

And then............

After living in Kentucky, Tennessee, Kentucky again, and Georgia offspring 3 had moved back to the area - about an hour away - for a job. 

And then.......

She lost her job through no fault of her own.

And then.......

She moved back in with us. That was 4 years ago. For a while she worked as a substitute teacher. A year ago, she landed a good full time job and could have afforded her own place but a year before that she had met a wonderful man and they were beginning to get serious about their future together. It made more sense for her to stay here and save some money.

And now.....

She's been engaged since August. The wedding is going to happen in May. And the nest will be officially empty again. Finally. She spends a lot of time at his place. He owns his own home. He would happily have her living there now but her old school christian morals prevent her from doing so. But still many times she does just stay there. 

So hmmmmm..... Maybe the sparks will ignite again? Gosh, that would be great. Me thinks I've missed the empty nest more than I've realized and believe me, Adam and I have both realized it!!! Our house is small with just two bedrooms and we want that room back!! Before when the nest was empty we used it for a guest room and for extra closet space and for extra dresser space. The first weekend she is gone for good I am fumigating that room and reclaiming it for what it once was. It's actually larger than our room and we've often talked about swapping rooms however it gets the morning sun so I think we will stay put and let the guests have the morning sun. 

Soon.... and if the sparks ignite.... 

I will have something to say.

I will have something to contribute. 

I will stop longing for the old and learn to embrace the new.